It's been a long time since my words have graced these pages. Heh, maybe "graced" is not the best word. But indeed it's been a long time since the last update.

I can't say exactly why that is. In fact, I've put pen to paper many times over the last days. I wrote a detailed account of how I felt and what I did over the visit to my family and my Passing Out Parade. Really, I did. But... for some reason, I never posted it up.

I guess for a time, I thought that I could get along without this blog. After all, Basic was over. I'd seen my family. I'm a private now and hell, I have Skype! I can talk to my friends more often now! Right?

Not completely.

I still felt moments of depression. I still don't know the purpose of my being here.

I've been transferred to the Navy, by the way. It's quite a bit better than the Army but it's got its own set of problems. I've accomplished quite a few things, but still... what for? What am I trying so hard for? Best Trainee? For what?

I'm going sailing today. For the first itme. As an OJT. On the Job Trainee. Supposedly they treat us like dogs or maids. We'll see.

I hate the water. Always have.

The last two days hae passed impossibly slowly. The heavy cloud of my family's departure seemed to have dragged down the passage of time. It's still painful, but the days pass slightly faster now, so it's not ALL doom and gloom.

September will roll around by the end of next week, and Mom's most probably coming back not long after that. She has to bring my travel documents and sort out the whole deal with the tenants.

Not to mention she has to attend my POP.

Gotta go clean out my locker now. Write more later.
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One of my squadmates just said something that lifted my spirits. 20 more days to POP. We're also starting to learn the 9th Infantry cheer, whcih is used only during POP.

It's all coming to an end and I could be happier.

And now, to wait for my ORD...
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Maybe the family's visit had rekindled the depression in me. I feel vacant, meaningless. Depressed beyond all measure during my free time. Again.

I can't contemplate doing ANYTHING except write in this notebook or call home.

I'll go plan my vacation now.

About three more weeks to POP. I'd be very happy with that, if not for the fact that it means three more weeks in here and two more years out there.

Just got off the phone with mom. They're all packed and ready to go. In two hours they'll be on a flight back home. Thte two little ones are starting school.

I just wish I got to spend a little bit more time with them. Not even to be on the plane with them. Just a few more seconds.

Apparently the previous owner of the apartment came and moved ALL the furniture out. Even the ones he said he'd let us keep.

So Saturday I might actually be going home to an EMPTY apartment with a fridge that doesn't work.

My mom's dumplings are in that fridge...
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It is currently 4:40pm. Which means I've been alone again for 40 minutes.

I'm overwhelmed with a desire to call my mom, but know I can't.

There's a torrent of emotions welling up inside me and I can only do what I've alwyas done. Silently let them slam upon the wall I've erected so long agao then let them drip out bit by bit via this notebook.

I'm utterly alone here. Utterly alone.
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Just got off the phone with Dad. Talkin' to him made me feel better. It's amazing how much good a familiar voie does when you're homesick.

He also gave ma a good idea of what to do while passing the time. List out what I want to do over block leave.

I'll start on that right away.

It's weired how much the thought of my family's departure is affecting me. Even though they're leaving tomorrow, the thought of going back to an empty apartment this weekend is bringing back feelings of depression that haven't plagued me for three weeks.

Mom says she might be coming right back to help me look for tenants. Looking forward to that, even though tenants would mean my family can't visit as easily from now on.

At the beginning, we were given a surveyasking if we were "completely unmotivated to serve NS." I put "somewhat disagree" back then, because I wanted to lose weight.

But if I were to take that survey again, I think I'd put "completely agree".
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Just got back from the march. Not much to say except it was easier than before and I'm looking forward to the 24 klick.

This week is heavy on grenades. Saturday's bookout is delayed so that we can have our live throw. Just as well, there's nothing to go home TO.

On the brighter side, it turns out that going overseas for block leave ain't that hard. My only worry is that I still don't know when the MDC audtions are. For all I know, t hey could be over block leave.

I'm quite sure that you've noticed the missing gap of a week in my correspondence. I assure you all that it is not because I grew tired of writing. It is truly because I had honestly no time to write.

Three days were spent outfield in our sit test*. The next day was spent carrying closets (200 of them) down from our bunks and new closets (another 200 of them) up to our bunks.

We did this via the stairs, by the way.

We did, however, get to book out quite early on Friday, which also caused us book in real early today.

It was something I really didn't want to do. I cannot stress enough how much I DIDN'T want to do it.

This was the family's last weekend here.

I just got off the phone with mom. For the past 3 weeks I've been fuelled by the thought of being in the same city with them. You've no idea how much it killed me to not be able to say "see you next week" over the phone just now.

Just gonna have to fight hard for that overseas permit in September.

I will NOT be trapped here for two years.

Gotta go now. 16 km road march tomorrow. Gonna die...

*Situational Test- a series of problem solving tests presented to us in order to evaluate who suitable for Officer training.

I'm currently in a very good mood.

Today I missed most of the day due to being called away for an Air Force medical.

Apparently they mistook my interest in finding out more about C3 operators for an intention to sign on as a regular.

As you all know, that is the farthest possible scenario from the truth.

But the upside is that I'm being called away tomorrow for a computerized test. Meaning, basically, that I get to book out early.

I'm very satisfied with that particular arrangement.

I'm sitting in the n a small clearing in the woods, waiting for my turn. Today is our Battle Course. I can't tell much about it, suffice to say that it is the culmination test of all the group tactics that we've earned.

The shellscrape digging was hell. By the time I finished, my top was absolutely soaked with my sweat and my right hand was rendered useless by all the blisters.

The golden standard is 45 minutes, I barely made 70. Maybe I would've made 45 if there hand't been a fucking boulder obstructing me. One so big that even the commanders couldn't remove it.

Anyway, today should be the first of August. That means that the family will be coming soon.

One more day here and we're through. One more day...
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Just struck down our shell scrapes. Imagine all that hard work for just ONE night.

Oh, and filling it in took about as much effort as digging.

Now, we're in a training shed, ready to sleep on a concrete floor tonight. The thought had never been more appealing.

We go back tomorrow. Really looking forward to that. But before we get ahead of ourselves, must powder bath now.

Another rare moment of peace. The sun's blazing but it's technically CAT one. Dunno how that works.

We're over halfwway through Field Camp, having already torn down our tents to dig shell scrapes later.

I'm tired, dirty, hungry, and very much looking forward to the end of Field Camp.

Yesterday I got tagged because my water bottle wasn't secured properly. I was confused about how to secure it, but the sergeants didn't give a damn.

Hopefully the punishment won't be too severe.

Under normal circumstances, this wouldn't be cause for confinement, but this is Field Camp so who knows.

I'm hunched over in my tent, the rain pelting down upon me. It's CAT1 outside.

Back at the Coy Line; we'd be indoors. Back home, I'd be cowering in my room.

How things change. I only wish I had a better tent.

I hate being outfield. It's exceedingly uncomfortable and SO many things can go wrong. Just this morning we were fucked over by our commanders because some idiots didn't know how to control their flashlights*.

Anyway, the SSM is here and he's not too happy. Because of that, we're all on edge.

Did you know they can hold us in Field Camp indefinitely?

*Light discipline-the instructor's are not allowed to see light gleaming from our tents.

Yesterday bore witness to one of the more interesting experiences of my life. Powder Bathing.

Bunfh of guys cram into a room, strip off in full view of the sergeants. We then proceed to whiten ourselves with body powder. It's like a sick, twisted party.

Anyway, the night was cold, the uniform was uncomfortable and I haven't shat in a day.

Urban Warfare today. Kinda fun really, but I feel oddly blase about firing a gun.

Can't talk much about the training other than the fact that it's uncomfortable and we all look even more similar with our faces covered with camo.

41/2 days to go...