Despair in Tekong

I'm currently in a very good mood.

Today I missed most of the day due to being called away for an Air Force medical.

Apparently they mistook my interest in finding out more about C3 operators for an intention to sign on as a regular.

As you all know, that is the farthest possible scenario from the truth.

But the upside is that I'm being called away tomorrow for a computerized test. Meaning, basically, that I get to book out early.

I'm very satisfied with that particular arrangement.

I'm sitting in the n a small clearing in the woods, waiting for my turn. Today is our Battle Course. I can't tell much about it, suffice to say that it is the culmination test of all the group tactics that we've earned.

The shellscrape digging was hell. By the time I finished, my top was absolutely soaked with my sweat and my right hand was rendered useless by all the blisters.

The golden standard is 45 minutes, I barely made 70. Maybe I would've made 45 if there hand't been a fucking boulder obstructing me. One so big that even the commanders couldn't remove it.

Anyway, today should be the first of August. That means that the family will be coming soon.

One more day here and we're through. One more day...
____________________________________________________________________________

Just struck down our shell scrapes. Imagine all that hard work for just ONE night.

Oh, and filling it in took about as much effort as digging.

Now, we're in a training shed, ready to sleep on a concrete floor tonight. The thought had never been more appealing.

We go back tomorrow. Really looking forward to that. But before we get ahead of ourselves, must powder bath now.

Another rare moment of peace. The sun's blazing but it's technically CAT one. Dunno how that works.

We're over halfwway through Field Camp, having already torn down our tents to dig shell scrapes later.

I'm tired, dirty, hungry, and very much looking forward to the end of Field Camp.

Yesterday I got tagged because my water bottle wasn't secured properly. I was confused about how to secure it, but the sergeants didn't give a damn.

Hopefully the punishment won't be too severe.

Under normal circumstances, this wouldn't be cause for confinement, but this is Field Camp so who knows.

I'm hunched over in my tent, the rain pelting down upon me. It's CAT1 outside.

Back at the Coy Line; we'd be indoors. Back home, I'd be cowering in my room.

How things change. I only wish I had a better tent.

I hate being outfield. It's exceedingly uncomfortable and SO many things can go wrong. Just this morning we were fucked over by our commanders because some idiots didn't know how to control their flashlights*.

Anyway, the SSM is here and he's not too happy. Because of that, we're all on edge.

Did you know they can hold us in Field Camp indefinitely?

*Light discipline-the instructor's are not allowed to see light gleaming from our tents.

Yesterday bore witness to one of the more interesting experiences of my life. Powder Bathing.

Bunfh of guys cram into a room, strip off in full view of the sergeants. We then proceed to whiten ourselves with body powder. It's like a sick, twisted party.

Anyway, the night was cold, the uniform was uncomfortable and I haven't shat in a day.

Urban Warfare today. Kinda fun really, but I feel oddly blase about firing a gun.

Can't talk much about the training other than the fact that it's uncomfortable and we all look even more similar with our faces covered with camo.

41/2 days to go...

It's a rare spot of luck that I got a break during field camp. We're back at the company line for a medical check because so many of us are sick.

Needless to say, I couldn't write yesterday due to all the prep work for field camp.

They say that Field Camp is the place where you're most likely to get confined.That seems likely now.

From the 8km road march in the morning until now, we've only sesen a few breathers and bucketfuls of sweat.

I think that it's safe to say I don't like being outfield.

Two Years from now, if I'm even invited to go camping, I'll be sure to politely decline.

I sit in my bunk during a rare moment of freedom. Almost everyone else is asleep. Having just skimmed through some of Harry Potter (again), I was suddenly overcome by a sense of depression that hadn’t plagued me for a while.

I was reminded once again of how much I didn’t want to be in the Army. Of how I wasn’t meant to lose these two years of my life. Of how I should be reading Harry Potter at home and packing for college rather than Field Camp.

I’ll never truly like it her, and the prospect of two years looks none too bright.

I only wish I can get into a unit that allows for some regular free time.

I miss my friends, I miss what I used to do, what I would have been doing. I hate the SAF for taking away my last summer of youth.

I am 18 years old and somewhere I don’t belong.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

SOC was cancelled and instead we packed our field packs for Field Camp.

The depression has receded, though it doesn’t mean what I wrote earlier was untrue.

Fuck it, enough of this shit. My family’s coming, I won’t depressed when they get here.

But then that brings me to another point. My grandma’s been having some heart problems. Last when I called home, Mom said she’d been lying in bed all day.

I’m worried, but hopefully it’s not too big of a deal.

I guess I spoke too soon when I thought there was no PT the rest of this week. Not only do we have the Standard Obstacle Course tomorrow, but today's Fire and Movement drills had me tottering whilst I walked.

Maybe it's because I had to roll so much...

Despiite the physical exhaustion, I still enjoy this vastly more than plain old PT. At least this has a clear and stated purpose.

I'm not looking forward to sleeping in my tent. Not only do I have to share it with someone else, it also too small for me. Not to mention low, open at both ends, and a whole let of trouble to set up.

Whatever, hopefully after field camp I won't have to use it often. Though that all depends on whether or not I get into the MDC.

We'll see.

Rather light day today, I think it directly contributed to my rather merry mood. We have no PT for the rest of this week, which is both a good and bad thing.

In lieu of the usual training, we have field craft training. Which is infinitely more interesting than footdrills or PT. Just this morning we walked into the jungle and spent an hour or so smearing ourselves with camo cream and ripping off vegetation to stick into our harnesses. It was quite fun really.

We also saw a few more videos on OCS and SISPEC. Their overall effect has been to discourage me from Command School even further. Oh well.

Tomorrow's more of the same. They're cramming as much field knowledge into us as they can before field camp.

I dunno if I should be looking forward to it.

IIn any case, the family's coming soon, so the light at the end of this particular tunnel is definitely an appealing one.