http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/en-EUhttp://backend.userland.com/rss092http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/25/6b8e8623f79e8e226d23b0f4628558_160x200.jpg <p>It's been a long time since my words have graced these pages. Heh, maybe "graced" is not the best word. But indeed it's been a long time since the last update.</p> <p>I can't say exactly why that is. In fact, I've put pen to paper many times over the last days. I wrote a detailed account of how I felt and what I did over the visit to my family and my Passing Out Parade. Really, I did. But... for some reason, I never posted it up.</p> <p>I guess for a time, I thought that I could get along without this blog. After all, Basic was over. I'd seen my family. I'm a private now and hell, I have Skype! I can talk to my friends more often now! Right?</p> <p>Not completely.</p> <p>I still felt moments of depression. I still don't know the purpose of my being here. </p> <p>I've been transferred to the Navy, by the way. It's quite a bit better than the Army but it's got its own set of problems. I've accomplished quite a few things, but still... what for? What am I trying so hard for? Best Trainee? For what?</p> <p>I'm going sailing today. For the first itme. As an OJT. On the Job Trainee. Supposedly they treat us like dogs or maids. We'll see.</p> <p>I hate the water. Always have. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2008/02/27/been-a-long-time-3790305/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2008/02/27/been-a-long-time-3790305/Wed, 27 Feb 2008 22:53:03 +0100 <p>The last two days hae passed impossibly slowly. The heavy cloud of my family's departure seemed to have dragged down the passage of time. It's still painful, but the days pass slightly faster now, so it's not ALL doom and gloom.</p> <p>September will roll around by the end of next week, and Mom's most probably coming back not long after that. She has to bring my travel documents and sort out the whole deal with the tenants.</p> <p>Not to mention she has to attend my POP.</p> <p>Gotta go clean out my locker now. Write more later.<br> ______________________________________________________________</p> <p>One of my squadmates just said something that lifted my spirits. 20 more days to POP. We're also starting to learn the 9th Infantry cheer, whcih is used only during POP.</p> <p>It's all coming to an end and I could be happier.</p> <p>And now, to wait for my ORD...<br> ____________________________________________________________</p> <p>Maybe the family's visit had rekindled the depression in me. I feel vacant, meaningless. Depressed beyond all measure during my free time. Again.</p> <p>I can't contemplate doing ANYTHING except write in this notebook or call home.</p> <p>I'll go plan my vacation now. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/09/02/day~2908857/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/09/02/day~2908857/Sun, 02 Sep 2007 04:30:16 +0200 <p>About three more weeks to POP. I'd be very happy with that, if not for the fact that it means three more weeks in here and two more years out there.</p> <p>Just got off the phone with mom. They're all packed and ready to go. In two hours they'll be on a flight back home. Thte two little ones are starting school.</p> <p>I just wish I got to spend a little bit more time with them. Not even to be on the plane with them. Just a few more seconds.</p> <p>Apparently the previous owner of the apartment came and moved ALL the furniture out. Even the ones he said he'd let us keep.</p> <p>So Saturday I might actually be going home to an EMPTY apartment with a fridge that doesn't work.</p> <p>My mom's dumplings are in that fridge...<br> ____________________________________________________________</p> <p>It is currently 4:40pm. Which means I've been alone again for 40 minutes.</p> <p>I'm overwhelmed with a desire to call my mom, but know I can't.</p> <p>There's a torrent of emotions welling up inside me and I can only do what I've alwyas done. Silently let them slam upon the wall I've erected so long agao then let them drip out bit by bit via this notebook.</p> <p>I'm utterly alone here. Utterly alone.<br> ________________________________________________________________</p> <p>Just got off the phone with Dad. Talkin' to him made me feel better. It's amazing how much good a familiar voie does when you're homesick.</p> <p>He also gave ma a good idea of what to do while passing the time. List out what I want to do over block leave.</p> <p>I'll start on that right away.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/09/02/day~2908851/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/09/02/day~2908851/Sun, 02 Sep 2007 04:25:38 +0200 <p>It's weired how much the thought of my family's departure is affecting me. Even though they're leaving tomorrow, the thought of going back to an empty apartment this weekend is bringing back feelings of depression that haven't plagued me for three weeks.</p> <p>Mom says she might be coming right back to help me look for tenants. Looking forward to that, even though tenants would mean my family can't visit as easily from now on.</p> <p>At the beginning, we were given a surveyasking if we were "completely unmotivated to serve NS." I put "somewhat disagree" back then, because I wanted to lose weight.</p> <p>But if I were to take that survey again, I think I'd put "completely agree".<br> _____________________________________________________________</p> <p>Just got back from the march. Not much to say except it was easier than before and I'm looking forward to the 24 klick.</p> <p>This week is heavy on grenades. Saturday's bookout is delayed so that we can have our live throw. Just as well, there's nothing to go home TO.</p> <p>On the brighter side, it turns out that going overseas for block leave ain't that hard. My only worry is that I still don't know when the MDC audtions are. For all I know, t hey could be over block leave. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/09/02/day~2908846/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/09/02/day~2908846/Sun, 02 Sep 2007 04:21:24 +0200 <p>I'm quite sure that you've noticed the missing gap of a week in my correspondence. I assure you all that it is not because I grew tired of writing. It is truly because I had honestly no time to write.</p> <p>Three days were spent outfield in our sit test*. The next day was spent carrying closets (200 of them) down from our bunks and new closets (another 200 of them) up to our bunks. </p> <p>We did this via the stairs, by the way.</p> <p>We did, however, get to book out quite early on Friday, which also caused us book in real early today.</p> <p>It was something I really didn't want to do. I cannot stress enough how much I DIDN'T want to do it.</p> <p>This was the family's last weekend here.</p> <p>I just got off the phone with mom. For the past 3 weeks I've been fuelled by the thought of being in the same city with them. You've no idea how much it killed me to not be able to say "see you next week" over the phone just now.</p> <p>Just gonna have to fight hard for that overseas permit in September.</p> <p>I will NOT be trapped here for two years.</p> <p>Gotta go now. 16 km road march tomorrow. Gonna die...</p> <p>*Situational Test- a series of problem solving tests presented to us in order to evaluate who suitable for Officer training. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/09/02/day~2908842/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/09/02/day~2908842/Sun, 02 Sep 2007 04:16:56 +0200 <p>I'm currently in a very good mood.</p> <p>Today I missed most of the day due to being called away for an Air Force medical.</p> <p>Apparently they mistook my interest in finding out more about C3 operators for an intention to sign on as a regular.</p> <p>As you all know, that is the farthest possible scenario from the truth.</p> <p>But the upside is that I'm being called away tomorrow for a computerized test. Meaning, basically, that I get to book out early.</p> <p>I'm very satisfied with that particular arrangement. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2794534/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2794534/Sun, 12 Aug 2007 09:46:36 +0200 <p>I'm sitting in the n a small clearing in the woods, waiting for my turn. Today is our Battle Course. I can't tell much about it, suffice to say that it is the culmination test of all the group tactics that we've earned.</p> <p>The shellscrape digging was hell. By the time I finished, my top was absolutely soaked with my sweat and my right hand was rendered useless by all the blisters.</p> <p>The golden standard is 45 minutes, I barely made 70. Maybe I would've made 45 if there hand't been a fucking boulder obstructing me. One so big that even the commanders couldn't remove it.</p> <p>Anyway, today should be the first of August. That means that the family will be coming soon.</p> <p>One more day here and we're through. One more day...<br> ____________________________________________________________________________</p> <p>Just struck down our shell scrapes. Imagine all that hard work for just ONE night.</p> <p>Oh, and filling it in took about as much effort as digging.</p> <p>Now, we're in a training shed, ready to sleep on a concrete floor tonight. The thought had never been more appealing.</p> <p>We go back tomorrow. Really looking forward to that. But before we get ahead of ourselves, must powder bath now.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2794472/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2794472/Sun, 12 Aug 2007 09:33:49 +0200 <p>Another rare moment of peace. The sun's blazing but it's technically CAT one. Dunno how that works.</p> <p>We're over halfwway through Field Camp, having already torn down our tents to dig shell scrapes later.</p> <p>I'm tired, dirty, hungry, and very much looking forward to the end of Field Camp.</p> <p>Yesterday I got tagged because my water bottle wasn't secured properly. I was confused about how to secure it, but the sergeants didn't give a damn.</p> <p>Hopefully the punishment won't be too severe.</p> <p>Under normal circumstances, this wouldn't be cause for confinement, but this is Field Camp so who knows. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2794448/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2794448/Sun, 12 Aug 2007 09:28:56 +0200 <p>I'm hunched over in my tent, the rain pelting down upon me. It's CAT1 outside.</p> <p>Back at the Coy Line; we'd be indoors. Back home, I'd be cowering in my room.</p> <p>How things change. I only wish I had a better tent.</p> <p>I hate being outfield. It's exceedingly uncomfortable and SO many things can go wrong. Just this morning we were fucked over by our commanders because some idiots didn't know how to control their flashlights*.</p> <p>Anyway, the SSM is here and he's not too happy. Because of that, we're all on edge.</p> <p>Did you know they can hold us in Field Camp indefinitely?</p> <p>*Light discipline-the instructor's are not allowed to see light gleaming from our tents. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2794408/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2794408/Sun, 12 Aug 2007 09:19:25 +0200 <p>Yesterday bore witness to one of the more interesting experiences of my life. Powder Bathing.</p> <p>Bunfh of guys cram into a room, strip off in full view of the sergeants. We then proceed to whiten ourselves with body powder. It's like a sick, twisted party.</p> <p>Anyway, the night was cold, the uniform was uncomfortable and I haven't shat in a day.</p> <p>Urban Warfare today. Kinda fun really, but I feel oddly blase about firing a gun.</p> <p>Can't talk much about the training other than the fact that it's uncomfortable and we all look even more similar with our faces covered with camo.</p> <p>41/2 days to go... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2794382/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2794382/Sun, 12 Aug 2007 09:11:14 +0200 <p>It's a rare spot of luck that I got a break during field camp. We're back at the company line for a medical check because so many of us are sick.</p> <p>Needless to say, I couldn't write yesterday due to all the prep work for field camp.</p> <p>They say that Field Camp is the place where you're most likely to get confined.That seems likely now.</p> <p>From the 8km road march in the morning until now, we've only sesen a few breathers and bucketfuls of sweat.</p> <p>I think that it's safe to say I don't like being outfield.</p> <p>Two Years from now, if I'm even invited to go camping, I'll be sure to politely decline. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2794370/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2794370/Sun, 12 Aug 2007 09:07:19 +0200 <p>I sit in my bunk during a rare moment of freedom. Almost everyone else is asleep. Having just skimmed through some of Harry Potter (again), I was suddenly overcome by a sense of depression that hadn’t plagued me for a while.</p> <p>I was reminded once again of how much I didn’t want to be in the Army. Of how I wasn’t meant to lose these two years of my life. Of how I should be reading Harry Potter at home and packing for college rather than Field Camp.</p> <p>I’ll never truly like it her, and the prospect of two years looks none too bright.</p> <p>I only wish I can get into a unit that allows for some regular free time.</p> <p>I miss my friends, I miss what I used to do, what I would have been doing. I hate the SAF for taking away my last summer of youth.</p> <p>I am 18 years old and somewhere I don’t belong.<br> _____________________________________________________________________________________</p> <p>SOC was cancelled and instead we packed our field packs for Field Camp.</p> <p>The depression has receded, though it doesn’t mean what I wrote earlier was untrue.</p> <p>Fuck it, enough of this shit. My family’s coming, I won’t depressed when they get here.</p> <p>But then that brings me to another point. My grandma’s been having some heart problems. Last when I called home, Mom said she’d been lying in bed all day.</p> <p>I’m worried, but hopefully it’s not too big of a deal.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2794334/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2794334/Sun, 12 Aug 2007 08:52:24 +0200 <p>I guess I spoke too soon when I thought there was no PT the rest of this week. Not only do we have the Standard Obstacle Course tomorrow, but today's Fire and Movement drills had me tottering whilst I walked.</p> <p>Maybe it's because I had to roll so much...</p> <p>Despiite the physical exhaustion, I still enjoy this vastly more than plain old PT. At least this has a clear and stated purpose.</p> <p>I'm not looking forward to sleeping in my tent. Not only do I have to share it with someone else, it also too small for me. Not to mention low, open at both ends, and a whole let of trouble to set up.</p> <p>Whatever, hopefully after field camp I won't have to use it often. Though that all depends on whether or not I get into the MDC.</p> <p>We'll see. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2793935/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2793935/Sun, 12 Aug 2007 05:21:53 +0200 <p>Rather light day today, I think it directly contributed to my rather merry mood. We have no PT for the rest of this week, which is both a good and bad thing.</p> <p>In lieu of the usual training, we have field craft training. Which is infinitely more interesting than footdrills or PT. Just this morning we walked into the jungle and spent an hour or so smearing ourselves with camo cream and ripping off vegetation to stick into our harnesses. It was quite fun really.</p> <p>We also saw a few more videos on OCS and SISPEC. Their overall effect has been to discourage me from Command School even further. Oh well.</p> <p>Tomorrow's more of the same. They're cramming as much field knowledge into us as they can before field camp.</p> <p>I dunno if I should be looking forward to it.</p> <p>IIn any case, the family's coming soon, so the light at the end of this particular tunnel is definitely an appealing one. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2793933/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/08/12/day~2793933/Sun, 12 Aug 2007 05:18:32 +0200 <p>I didn't have time to write, so I'm filling this in.</p> <p>Racial Harmony Day, or in our case, Racial Harmony Morning, was a rather welcomed break from the routine. There were four activities and four prizes that were given away for the winners of those activities. Jaguar Company, I'm pleased to say, won two out of four. The third of which we lost because the competition decided to cheat and ask a commander to participate.</p> <p>But we are in no way bitter, because winner half the prizes is a big enough boost. Especially since the prizes are food items. Even the commanders were happy, gave us a little extra free time.</p> <p>Of course, it was free time that we (were expected to) utlized to practise our Rifle Technical Handling test. </p> <p>Friends, I tell you now, you have NO idea how difficult or nerve-wracking it is trying to load 20 rounds into an M16 magazine in other 50 seconds. But I managed in the end, after many tries and much cursing.</p> <p>Overall, we didn't do too bad. I almost made a few grave errors, but managed to correct myself in time. It had more to do with being nervous about the word "test" than any actual unfamiliarity with the procedure.</p> <p>Bad News. Actually, VERY bad news. It seems that I assumed too much when I promised to be back for Christmas. As my Platoon Sergeant kindly told me, in the SAF it is "Highly Unlikely". Because as a Trainee, whether in Command School or in a unit, I will not be allowed to clear leave. (So whoever read this, please leave a comment about when, aside from Christmas, you'll be back in Hong Kong).</p> <p>Guess I'll have to settle for the week in September.</p> <p>The parents seem to be under the impression that I should continue my studies over my weekends. In BMT. My mom even going so far as suggesting that I should be memorizing my Spanish. </p> <p>I can tell you in no uncertain terms that I am NOT going to do that. I have little enough time as it is and I will NOT unhinge my rather fragile sanity by burning away the only relaxation time I have left on that infernal language. Or any other subject for that matter.</p> <p>If they want me to study, they find a way to get me out of the army and into college. I assure you, I would like NOTHING more than that.<br> _________________________________________________________________________________</p> <p>Just as a post note to all of you. I will be in Field Camp next week, as you probably know by now. So I won't be updating until two weeks from now. Wish me luck.</p> <p>-REC Marcus Sun<br> BMTC 1 J Company<br> July 22, 2007 </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/22/day~2678951/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/22/day~2678951/Sun, 22 Jul 2007 07:09:29 +0200 <p>Nothing much happened today. I didn't even have a halfway decent conversation with mom. With the helper on leave, she was too busy washing dishes.</p> <p>Anyway, today was rifle drills, rifle drills, and more rifle drills. Oh, and we had strength training in our T-shirts and boots, but that's another story.</p> <p>Suffice to say, it was rather exhausting.</p> <p>Racial Harmony day tomorrow. No PT. But, to balance out that inadequacy, we have our rifle Technical Hnadling test ALL afternoon.</p> <p>Sweet. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/22/day~2678934/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/22/day~2678934/Sun, 22 Jul 2007 06:57:17 +0200 <p>6km road march today. About the only physically strenous activity we had. I was soaked from head to toe with sweat.</p> <p>The rest of the day was spent learning about our rifles.</p> <p>By the way, I can now disassemble and assemble an M16 in under 60 seconds.</p> <p>No doubt a crucial life skill.</p> <p>In other news: if we don't fuck up our field camp, we get to book out on Friday the week we return. It also happens to be the week the family's here.</p> <p>Not long after that is National Day. If we're lucky, we might get FO UR days off. Four days with the family.</p> <p>Woohoo! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/22/day~2678927/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/22/day~2678927/Sun, 22 Jul 2007 06:54:28 +0200 <p>I still haven't replaced the Army notbook and now I'm not even using Mom's pen. </p> <p>The "long" conversation with Mom didn't last too long yesterday. But I guess it lasted long enough. The homesickness isn't as bad today.</p> <p>We're getting our rifles in a bit. Write more when I get back.<br> ___________________________________________________________________________________</p> <p>Just got our M16's, they're lighter than our dummy rifles. Unloaded, they almost feel fake.</p> <p>However, this morning we went to the range and I got a taste of just how real this thing is.</p> <p>It's not like it is in the movies. All flash and no substance.</p> <p>Here, there wasn't any muzzle flash, just lots and lots of smoke.</p> <p>At 150 meters, a 5.56 round from the M16 is adequate for penetrating a concrete block. And the noise... Fill up a 50-meter wide balloon then pop it with a 12 inch needle. You'll come close to the report of an M16S1 assault rifle.<br> _____________________________________________________________________________________</p> <p>Just received our rifles "officially" at the rifle presentation ceremony.</p> <p>Six companies gather during nightfall and receive their weapons from their officers by torchlight. Pretty surreal experience, I admit that, for a moment, I was excited.</p> <p>The M16 is quite a light weapon. No more than 3kg when unloaded. About the weight of one dumbell.</p> <p>But its weight lies in the fact that it marks thend of PTP* and the beginning of BMT**. And nothing will be easy again.</p> <p>Or so they say. We'll see tomorrow.</p> <p>*PTP-Physical Training Phase<br> **BMT- Basic Military Training </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/22/day~2678920/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/22/day~2678920/Sun, 22 Jul 2007 06:51:03 +0200 <p>I think I'mi going crazy. Don't know why. I thought I'd gotten used to it here, maybe even started to like it. But as soon as I liad eyes on that picture dad brought me*, I got a bout of homesickness that's lasted until even now. I feel like bawling. I feel like smashing my leg so I can go home.</p> <p>I've realized that I am an overly sentimental person. Always had been. I ordered the last Harry Potter book over the weekend to give myself someth ing to look forward to over this week. Bought two books ABOUT Harry Potter to tide me over till then. </p> <p>But I suddenly found myself depressed that the series was ending. Found myself debating whether or not to make the book last as long as possible.</p> <p>Then I found myself wishing that I was pondering all this at home instead of here.</p> <p>My friends, I have been in here for a month, and it has done nothing but reaffirm one truth. I hate it here.</p> <p>I hate everything about this place and I strongly suspect that these two years will take away far more than it could ever give back.</p> <p>Please leave comments, guys. Don't leave me hanging here. Here, I am terribly alone. Even familiar diction would help...<br> _____________________________________________________________________________</p> <p>Today's depression is lasting a shockingly long time. Like little storm cloud that's attached itself to me. The two books on Harry Potter didn't even last me a day and my overtly sentimental self has allowed them to do nothing more than make me depressed even f urther. That'll probably be fixed for a while when I get book 7 over the weekend. Or not. We'll see.</p> <p>I need to have an textended talk with Mom today. Then maybe have a talk with the Orientation Officer. I'm starting to lose my mind a little bit and who knows what the Field Camp** will do to me?</p> <p>God, I'm depressed. I want to go home.<br> _______________________________________________________________________________</p> <p>Because I was sick and couldn't participate in the IPPT, I'm getting remedial training. The good news is that it doesn't actually keep us back for a whole day. In fact, it's not that I've LOST time, it's that other people have GAINED time.</p> <p>The Gold and Silver^ people get to book out on Friday. Bastards.</p> <p>Just talked to Mom. Spoke a little longer this time. I'm really looking forward to their coming in August. Grandma and Grandpa should be coming too, if only for a bit.</p> <p>* It now resides on the mirror in my locker.<br> ** Field Camp- Six days and five nights of living in the jungle, doing rifle PT and combat drills.<br> ^ IPPT has four grade levels. Fail. Pass. Silver. Gold. In ascending order.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/22/day~2678907/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/22/day~2678907/Sun, 22 Jul 2007 06:43:13 +0200 <p>I didn't have time to write yesterday. Filling this in at a later date.</p> <p>The reason I didn't write yesterday is because I spent most of my free time drawing and sleeping. Having found that the latter is a hobby strangely easy to indulge in. Considering the amount of sleep we get, it's probably good for me.</p> <p>Since I spent most of my day sleeping, there's really not much to write about. Except maybe that I'm booking out tomorrow.</p> <p>Yeah.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/15/day~2637403/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/15/day~2637403/Sun, 15 Jul 2007 09:51:26 +0200 <p>My cough is getting worse and I could barely sleep last night because of it. The medicine ain't really helping. Might be bronchides.</p> <p>My injuries are still annoying me, especially the one on my shoulder. It always has to be covered. I can't take a shower and wiping myself with a wet towel has its limits. Gonna soak in a bath when I get home.</p> <p>By the way, Cee's notebook's run out of space. So now I'm writing in my Army notebook.</p> <p>I intend to get a replacement very soon.</p> <p>I've found that all my in-camp artwork has quite a different flavor. Maybe I'll post it up sometime. Maybe not.</p> <p>The guys just got back from the Basic Assault Course*. I couldn't go because I was injured. Stayed back and watched "the Naked Gun". The BAC sounded tiring but fun. I'll be making it up with another Company.</p> <p>*Basic Assault Course- an obstacle course designed to simulate a battle environment in which recruits have to practise their Close Combat fighting skills after crawling through mud and barbed wire. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/15/day~2637397/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/15/day~2637397/Sun, 15 Jul 2007 09:49:05 +0200 <p>Being injured like this is NOT fun. My knee stings if I stand, my shoulder stings if I lean, my elbow stings if I lie down and EVERYTHING stings if I sit.</p> <p>And my cough is getting worse.</p> <p>O n the bright side, my tenure as platoon IC is over due to my status. Also, there appears to be two other international kids in J Company.</p> <p>Both in another platoon. Oh well.</p> <p>This morning the entire company got chewed out because a few assholes didn't know how or couldn't be bothered to march properly.</p> <p>We're all fucked.<br> __________________________________________________________________________________</p> <p>Okay, I am fucking terrified. We're all well and truly fucked.</p> <p>The CSM is being chewed out by the School Sergeant Major right outside. Which means the CSM will fuck the Sergeants over, who will in turn fuck us over.</p> <p>Our comfortable days are at an end.<br> _________________________________________________________________________________</p> <p>Just called home. Spoke to Marty and Juliet. Juliet asked me when I was coming home. I desperately wanted to say "soon". I couldn't lie to her. They'll be here in August. Then maybe I'll be in Hong Kong in September. Maybe.</p> <p>Regardless of when my breaks are, my days of living with them, being a part of their dialy lives, are over. I'll never be that big brother just down the corridor again.</p> <p>For now, it hurts. As they grow up day by day, they'll need me less and less. They'll have their own worlds, and I'll become nothing more than a fond memory and a distant relative.</p> <p>Fuck. I'm depressed again. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/15/day~2637379/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/15/day~2637379/Sun, 15 Jul 2007 09:43:49 +0200 <p>I fell on my face today and hurt myself. Open wounds on my shoulder, wrist, elbow, palm, and OTHER knee.</p> <p>Oh, and who could forget the large red scrape on my otherwise God-like features? (A joke, ladies and gentlemen. Fancy that.)</p> <p>So now I'm bandaged up like a war casualty and am excused from exercise for the rest of the week.</p> <p>N ormally that'd be a good thing, but with IPPT on Monday, four days of rest makes me feel just a tad anxious. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/15/day~2637362/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/15/day~2637362/Sun, 15 Jul 2007 09:38:02 +0200 <p>Only two pages left in this notebook. I'll have to find a substitute soon. Dunno if it'll be the same.</p> <p>Bad news. Another IPPT next Monday. If we don't improve by then, we get remedial training. Fun.</p> <p>I've been made platoon IC*. I don't wanna be platoon IC. Too many eyes on me. Too much room for error. God damn it.</p> <p>On the bright side, Dad's brought me a few photos from home. They're helping immensely. The days are passing much more quickly now.</p> <p>Bad news again. Our Field Camp is at the end of July. Meaning I get confined for the last weekend of Jly. Meaning the family's probably better off waiting till August to come visit me. Fuck.<br> _________________________________________________________________________</p> <p>My voice is shot. Gone. A day as Platoon IC has had me yelling more than I've ever yelled. It's a tough job.</p> <p>Tomorrow's another physically hefty day. They're getting us ready for the second IPPT. I'm almost excited.</p> <p>Nah, that's bullshit.</p> <p>Nora was here this week, but she leaves Saturday afternoon. Just my luck.</p> <p>Called her and chatted with her for a bit.</p> <p>The conversation lasted a pleasant five minutes. Seems to be about how long my phone conversations last nowadays. I feel like I'm losing touch...</p> <p>*IC-In Charge. The Recruit randomly selected to act as a platoon leader of sorts. Only it's all the responsibilities and none of the benefits. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/15/day~2637352/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/15/day~2637352/Sun, 15 Jul 2007 09:36:13 +0200 <p>I sit here in a web bar, roughly three hours away from ending my brief period of freedom. Having Dad here was a comfort unlike any other. It almost felt like old times.</p> <p>My knee's getting a lot better, it at least shouldn't inhibit my training for next week. Dunno if that's a good or bad thing.</p> <p>Saw the apartment today. It's very decent sized, in an excellent location, and it'll come adequately furnished. A space to call my own for a while. I'm happy. </p> <p>Three bedrooms, three bathrooms, two communal rooms. Swimming pool downstairs. I could throw a party. Then again, I have no one to invite.</p> <p>It'll be another two months before the deed officially shifts under our name. Until then: no tenants. Just me and the bare walls. And the laundry. Cool.</p> <p>That's all for today. I'm afraid that if I keep writing I will truly and irrevocably turn Emo. Won't sink that far.</p> <p>Update again next week if my notebook doesn't run out. If it does... well...</p> <p>I'll find a way.</p> <p>-REC Marcus Sun<br> BMTC 1 J Company<br> July 8, 2007 </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/08/end_of_week~2594098/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/08/end_of_week~2594098/Sun, 08 Jul 2007 09:16:05 +0200 <p>Halfway through the third week now. The torturing wasn't nearly as bad as I'd feared it to be. Really much of the same.</p> <p>For me anyway.</p> <p>Had another Navy talk just now. Still not interested. Even now, the thought of two years here curls my stomache. I'm NOT gonna sign up for another three years.</p> <p>Just took five minutes to draw up a design for the company T-shirt. I didn't know what the deadline was, so was rather surprised when they ordered us to turn it in before lunch.</p> <p>Supposedly, the originator of the chosen design gets to book out a day early. I'd like nothing more than that. But, given the amount of time I had to work on my design, I t hink my chances are slim to none.</p> <p>I reiterate: I hate it here.</p> <p>Oh, and Dad came yesterday. Gonna give him a call today.<br> _______________________________________________________________</p> <p>They actually eased off from the PT a little today. Probably for our benefit.</p> <p>Had a few lectures and our Air Force talk.</p> <p>Entertaining, but had the same problem as the Navy. Five years minimum.</p> <p>I said it before, I'll say it again. I am not throwing away five years of my life. Even IF I can make captain.</p> <p>Made contact with Dad, he was still looking at houses. Gonna call him again later tonight.</p> <p>We're also getting our hair buzzed again. Fun. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/07/day~2590832/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/07/day~2590832/Sat, 07 Jul 2007 15:25:17 +0200 <p>Had our Army talk today. Not in the least bit entertaining or tempting.</p> <p>Had our 4km road march today. As in 4km with everything on. I about buckled under the weight. It didn't help that I had an open wound on my right knee.</p> <p>At least it excused me from BCCT.</p> <p>Otherwise, it was an okay day. A few people (ie idiots) got confined for the weekend. Got caught sleeping when they were supposed to be area cleaning.</p> <p>Have gym in a bit. May write more later. May not.<br> ___________________________________________________________</p> <p>Didn't have time to finish off. Filling in the good news here.</p> <p>In record time, Dad's bought and paid for an apartment in an excellent location. It's empty for now but I don't have to worry about living quarters anymore.</p> <p>Got an SMS from Mom's phone. Turned out to be from Juliet. Read it about three four times. She says here allergies* are getting better, that htey all miss me, and that they're gonna come visit me soon.</p> <p>That's one more thing to help me through the days here. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>*My sister has dust allergies. She goes to Shenzhen every weekend to get shots. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/07/day~2590829/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/07/day~2590829/Sat, 07 Jul 2007 15:25:05 +0200 <p>I should be area cleaning now, but I'm just gonna jot down a few things.</p> <p>Woke up this morning and felt sore all over. Must've been the roadmarch.</p> <p>Wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have such a physically hefty day today.<br> _______________________________________________________________</p> <p>Almost died during ST* today. Still got two more PT** sessions to go. Muscles hurting like hell.</p> <p>Not getting depressed as often now. Mostly because I'm too tired or too busy. God, I'm forgetting what people look like...</p> <p>Still wish I was going to college instead of killing myself here. Wishful thinking. Won't get me anywhere.</p> <p>Mom still hasn't called me back, guess she's seeing Dad off. He's coming today.</p> <p>Get to see him soon. Hopefully he'll be able to sort out the whole housing thing.</p> <p>Gonna try to get some sleep now. Write more later. I hate this place.<br> _____________________________________________________________</p> <p>Two minutes until lights out. Did way too much PT today. Gonna hit the sack now. Night.</p> <p>* Strength Training. Consisting of dumbell drills, medicine ball drills, chin-up regimes, and shuttle runs.<br> ** Physical Training of any kind. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/07/day~2590781/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/07/day~2590781/Sat, 07 Jul 2007 15:16:07 +0200 <p>I came back in expecting absolute hell. It hasn't started yet. In fact, it's supposed to be a relatively easy day.</p> <p>I'll be holdin' my breath for that hell.</p> <p>As for the easy day part... well the glaring sun always tends to complicate things. AND we have a 4km roadmarch at 3pm.</p> <p>I just saw people collapse for STANDING in the sun too much.</p> <p>Should be interesting.</p> <p>Brought a bunch of DVDs in, but I don't think we'll have time to watch them anymore.</p> <p>Gotta pack for the roadmarch now. Write more later.<br> _____________________________________________________________</p> <p>Just went through one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of my life. Stand by bed. Our leisurely roadmarch was cancelled so that the CSM could come around for an inspection.</p> <p>This was the same man who noted my less-than-even shave and one slightly bulging pocket this morning. Needless to say, he found a shitload of mistakes.</p> <p>I'm just waiting for the push-ups to start rolling in...<br> ________________________________________________________________</p> <p>The punishment for the stand by bed never came, but something else did.</p> <p>The roadmarch. The 3km roadmarch in over 50lbs. of gear and under the hot sun. A roadmarch that was supposedly cancelled.</p> <p>So we had 15 minutes to get our shit together and get down there. We probably took a little longer than that.</p> <p>Anyway, think I got a blister on my foot now but it can't be helped.</p> <p>Got a long, hard day tomorrow. Strength training, BCCT, AND speed training. Did I mention I almost fainted during BCCT today?</p> <p>Anyway gonna hit the sack early today. Tired out. Dad comes tomorrow...</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/07/day~2590759/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/07/day~2590759/Sat, 07 Jul 2007 15:12:00 +0200 <p>I'm about ten minutes away from changing into my BDUs and heading out. Back to camp and for the hell to begin. I'll try to survive.</p> <p>I realize now that I didn't enjoy my weekend as much as I should have. As much as I could have. The fact that I would have to go back in eventually hanged like a storm cloud over my head. Always looming, never ready to rain and get it over with. </p> <p>The fear was there. Fear of what was going to change. Fear of what would happen to me from now on. Whatever I did was colored by this fear.</p> <p>I feel weak. Pathetic.</p> <p>Found out that I won't be seeing Nora as much as I thought I could. She'll be travelling a lot. So I probably would only be able to see her one more time in August. Lovely. </p> <p>So from now until that one time in August, I am adrift. Christ, I'm being a god damned drama queen. I need to stop this. I need to go.</p> <p>Write more in camp. If I have time or if I'm still alive. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/01/start_of_week~2551502/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://despairingdraftee.blog.co.uk/2007/07/01/start_of_week~2551502/Sun, 01 Jul 2007 11:26:57 +0200